predictions?

I've started to understand what the fuck is going on. Not fully, but it's better than nothing. I think that part of my inner mind or whatever is starting to come more to the surface It feels more like those thoughts you have but don't really think about are more real if that makes any fucking sense? It probably doesn't. I can't tell what this all looks like. It's just like I'm trying to speak and it shows up as text that I can't proofread. Maybe incoherent, maybe it isn't.

7/28/05: Provisional Irish Republic Army ends armed campaign as a result of the Good Friday Agreement. 8/12/05: Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter launched from Cape Canaveral. 8/18/05: Peace Mission 2005 begins eight-day training. 8/26/05: Constitution of Chile is heavily amended. 8/29/05: Hurricane Katrina makes landfall.

I know you’re out there. There’s someone making me see these things. There’s people making me think of things I’ve never imagined or seen in my fucking life.

9/7/05: Egypt holds first multi-party presidential election, suspicions of fraud. 9/19/05: North Korea agrees to cease production of nuclear weapons. 10/3/05: Croatia and Turkey begin negotiations to the European Union. Second solar eclipse of the year occurs.

It sounds like I don’t give a shit about what’s going on most of the time. To me, I mean. The truth is that I’m still scared out of my mind, but God, it’s exhausting to scream all the time. After a while, your throat gets sore and you just want to crawl away and disappear into the absolute shitshow occurring before your eyes. I don’t know.

10/12/05: Shenzou 6 is launched. 10/17/05: Final eclipse of 2005. 10/19/05: Trial of Saddam Hussein begins. 10/20/05: UNESCO passes Convention on the Protection and Promotion of the Diversity of Cultural Expressions. 10/24/05: Hurricane Wilma makes landfall.

Speaking of which. When I said before that I can’t see anything, that was kind of a lie. I can kinda see events that I know that I haven’t seen before. It’s like someone’s visualizing shit in my head for me. It’s invasive. It feels wrong and the only thing you can hear is static that you don’t know if it’s real or not.

11/13/05: First person proven “cured” of HIV. 11/22/05: Angela Merkel becomes first female Chancellor of Germany. Microsoft releases Xbox 360. 11/23/05: Ellen Johnson Sirleaf becomes first democratically elected female head of state in Africa. 11/28/05: United Nations Climate Change Conference held. 11/30/05: First human face transplant performed in France.

I don’t actually know if that’s static or scratching. It sounds too similar and it bothers me. Is it the scratching of my own hands trying to claw my way out? I’ll never know. I want to know, but I’m learning all of the wrong things. The things I know now threaten to split my head on the cobblestone.

12/12/05: Mice with scientifically implanted human neurons announced. 12/16/05: Find-a-drug project concluded. 12/18/05: Chad descends into civil war. 12/31/05: Another second is added to end the year.

I think she’s come back for my throat. She let Mike off easy because he’s not the one who actually killed her, right? I guess I can’t really say that, actually. I don’t know what actually happened to him. That’s one of the things I actually want to know, and that’s the part that hurts the most. I never asked for any of this. The least they could do for me is fucking tell me.

1/2/05: Robbie Lee born. 1/4/05: Dafne Keen born. 1/11/05: Roksana Węgiel born. 1/13/05: Eva Brezalieva born. 1/25/05: Avantika Vandanapu born. 1/21/05: Darrin Watkins Jr. born. 1/26/05: Katie Beth Hall born. 1/31/05: Mallory James Mahoney born. 2/19/05: Alma Deutscher born. 2/15/05: Arda Güler born. 3/26/05: Ella Anderson born. 4/29/05: Prince Dipangkorn Rasmijoti of Thailand born. 5/11/05: Ezra French born. 5/14/05: Maxwell Acee Donovan born. 6/5/05: Rylee Arnold born. 6/17/05: Funa Nakayama born. 6/25/05: Kylee Cantrall born. 6/26/05: Princess Alexia of the Netherlands born.

But who’s they? Who the fuck are they?

Who’re the assholes who did this to me?

7/7/05: Sam Morelos born. 7/21/05: Joseph Zada born. 7/25/05: Pierce Gagnon born. 8/8/05: Alysa Liu born. 8/10/05: Sunny Suljic born. 8/18/05: Brady Hepner born. 8/20/05: Jason Drucker born. 9/29/05: Gabrielle Gutierrez born. 10/1/05: Rosalie Chiang born. 10/4/05: Prince Emmanuel of Belgium born. 10/7/05: Lulu Wilson born. 10/15/05: Christian, Crown Prince of Denmark born. 10/31/05: Leonor, Princess of Asturias and Dixie Egerickx born. 11/3/05: Fina Strazza born. 11/3/05: Fina Strazza born. 11/16/05: Mariam Mamadashvii born. 11/21/05: Ashley Aufderheide born. 12/3/05: Prince Sverre Magnus of Norway born. 12/14/05: Mia Sinclair Jenness born. 12/27/05: Kristina Pimenova born. 12/30/05: Brady Noon born.

Please. Just fucking tell me what I want to hear without being so goddamn coy about it! I’ve confessed my fucking sins already. Just be honest with me! I don’t want anything else!

In 2005, a total of 2,448,017 deaths were registered in the United States. Main causes of death were: diseases of heart, malignant neoplasms, cerebrovascular diseases, chronic lower respiratory diseases, accidents, diabetes mellitus, Alzheimer’s disease.