my chemistry teacher talked to me after class today. he asked me to my face if “i was okay” and that he knows that “times have been rough for me as of late, but am i taking care of myself?” he literally pulled out a desk mirror and showed me my own reflection pointing out the bags under my eyes. i didnt respond. i shouldnt have to respond to such dumbass questions. of course im okay everythings alright just let me go home already. at that point someone came in. tyler. as soon as he saw me he completely flipped his shit and started yelling at me saying things about how ive barely talked to either him or johnny. he said specifically that ive been doing absolutely nothing except obsessing over my blog and playing world of warcraft. that set me off. he knew mike got me on both of those things. is it too much to ask to want to honor his memory goddammit???

i told him that and he shut his fucking trap for one goddamn second but then immediately went back to screaming. specifically about how i need to not focus on the bullshit but to focus on the important shit you actually have agency in. at that point i just punched him in the face. who is he to police what i do with my own fucking self? it felt good but then the teacher forcibly separated us and sent tyler home (apparently he was getting tutored there). he bitched to me about how unacceptable my behavior was yadda yadda i just wanted to go home. ive had enough.

i got home and saw my dad playing crazy taxi in my room. he said he wanted to play with me as a bonding thing but as you can imagine i was too mentally exhausted to do shit. regardless i wouldnt have wanted to do shit. so fuck the whole thing. fuck him. fuck johnny. fuck mr nick. and fuck you tyler i know youre reading this. what gives you the right to judge me you arent me. nothings wrong.